


A Diamond in the Rough

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, exist†trace, the GazettE
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 17:07:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life of a host isn’t nearly as glamorous on the inside as it appears on the outside. For Die it’s been a rough road, the years of drug abuse and alcohol dependence wearing on him. The time to get clean has come and it’s only a support network keeping him truly afloat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Diamond in the Rough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SakuraAme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraAme/gifts).



> Song[s]: "Tell Me Goodbye” by BIGBANG

Everything felt like a complete whirlwind of emotional strain when it came right down to it. For Die, this whole mess was more than he honestly thought he and his body could take. When he’d first decided to get clean, he hadn’t thought it would be this hard. Sure… he’d expected the come-down to be harsh, expected every withdrawal symptom in the book. But what he hadn’t expected was the stress of the whole thing afterward. To be around everyone who used day in and day out, offering him the things he’d depended upon around each corner. The strain of rushing between everything in his life without the aid of any chemical substances was starting to eat away at him.

It had been a month that he’d been sincerely clean. And it had been a month and a week since he’d last seen the man he’d thought was ‘the one’. But Kyo had walked out of his life without a backward glance, the yakuza not even so much as telling him goodbye. Some part of him wondered if the man was even still alive. Perhaps he’d been swept away in the tide that was his job, never to be seen or heard from again. Or perhaps he just hadn’t deemed a lowly host to be worthy of his time any longer. He supposed, at least the sex had been fantastic. That was more than he could have ever asked for in such a whirlwind relationship.

He’d had a few visits from Omi, the woman who had saved his life the night his drug dealer was murdered, and who had inspired him to get clean for good. She checked up on him from time to time, her threats on his life if he slipped back into old habits keeping him in line. For a woman, she was tough as nails, and he was sure if he fucked up and sank back down into the hold of the drugs that had once held him captive, she would make good on the threat to put a bullet in his brain and end it all for good. Having such a threat behind him made it easier to walk away when his coworkers tried to shove the drugs at him, each of them in turn higher than a kite themselves.

But the wear of the whole thing was becoming obvious in more than one way. When he looked in the mirror these days, he could see the lines that time and stress were carving there. He could see the bags under his eyes from the nights he still spent sleepless, craving the haven his pills had once given him. And his appetite had taken a dive for the worst, leaving him thin and almost frail looking beneath his clothing. When he applied his makeup right and wore the proper clothing, it was hard to tell such things were bearing down on him. But underneath it all was a man that felt almost lost within the world he currently stood inside of.

Some part of him wondered if being a host was still the life for him. It was so hard to exist this way now, to put on a smile and a friendly front to every single person, every single minute of the day. Some nights when he came home, he just wished like hell that he wasn’t alone, that he mattered more than a few hours a night in someone’s life. He wanted what he saw outside his window at night. That happy family across the way with a newborn child, the old man down the hall with his life partner, even the teenagers in love on the subway on the way to work each afternoon. He’d have given so much away to be in their place. And he felt it growing day by day. The desire to be something and someone he wasn’t became stronger with each breath he took.

In one short month, he’d lost four long-time clients, all of them seeing the change in him, feeling the disinterest he truly had when they came by the club. The ones he’d actually managed to make some sort of real bond with remained, at least seeing that in him still. But it wasn’t good for his image or his career. He’d gone from top employee to the mid-rungs within the first two weeks and he barely clung to that sometimes now.

Tonight had been harder than most. One of his clients had actually brought him a gift basket. When he’d opened it, he’d found an eight ball of coke in it as well a few joints and all the supplies he needed to get everything going. The urge had hit him full on in the face and he’d spent a good twenty minutes sitting there with three lines cut out in front of him before he’d gotten up and walked away, leaving it there and just praying someone else would use it instead. When he’d come back at the end of his shift, the whole basket was gone and several of his coworkers looked particularly tore up.

He’d taken his bag and his jacket and headed home for the night, feeling worse than he had since all of this had started. Not only was he going home to an empty house, but he was going home without his good old friend inside him as well. And it hurt like someone had plunged a knife into his chest. His fingers itched to cut another line and he could almost taste the marijuana on his tongue. When he got off the train at his stop, he chain-smoked four cigarettes just to get his head back in order enough to find his way home without any of the old detours.

By the time he got home, he felt hopeless and lost, his mind spiraling out of control. He needed someone in his life right then more than ever before and he knew it was the only thing that was going to save him from himself. As he stepped into his foyer, he pulled out his phone and dialed a now familiar number, waiting until the line was picked up. When he spoke, it was quick and he didn’t even wait on an answer, his voice leaving no room for argument. “It’s Die. I need you. I’m at home.” He hung up and went about getting his boots off.

He took a quick shower, getting the day’s grime off his body and leaving him clean for his intentions. He changed the sheets on the bed and turned them down, leaving lube and a condom under the pillow. After a moment’s hesitation, he put a slim butt-plug under the same pillow, not sure how this would all play out and knowing what he needed to get off, no matter what happened. He just hoped it would happen at all. He slipped on a pair of red silk pajama bottoms, leaving his top bare. He lit a few candles and put some peach incense to burn, going back to the living room and putting out two glasses of red wine, only two fingers worth in the bottom of each glass. Enough for courage and not enough to get his guest drunk.

When the knock came at the door, he felt like his world was spinning out of control again. This part he couldn’t orchestrate, this part was firmly in the hands of the man he’d called. And that scared the shit out of him, in all honesty. To call the man who had helped him detox, who had held his hair back as he threw up his very own soul… and intend this man to want him in any shape or form seemed to be asking too much.

He opened the door and smiled softly. “You came.”

“Of course I did.” Reita stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He removed his scarf and coat, then his boots. When he straightened up, he just gave Die a curious look. “Are you okay?”

Die gave the other a slight nod and took in a deep breath. It was this or nothing. No point in stringing it on. He stepped forward, his hands coming up to gently push Reita against the wall. One hand slid down to the other’s slim waist, the other back to caress his neck as he leaned in, pressing his lips to the other man’s. 

At first, Reita was a bit resistant, but after a moment, he melted into it, kissing Die back perfectly willingly. Their tongues slid out, exploring one another as Die fully pressed himself to Reita, canting his hips in just the right way to allow him to feel how things were affecting him as they progressed. Eventually Retia’s hands came up, one sliding up Die’s bare back, the other resting lightly on his bicep.

Much to Die’s amazement, he began to feel Reita’s excitement pressing against his hip. He let out a little groan, rubbing his hips against the blonde’s own, working his own arousal up to the point his cock began to stiffen. He shuddered slightly as Reita bucked toward him, the hand on his back sliding down to his ass, squeezing firmly.

Unable to help himself, Die moved one hand up to brace on the wall, his stance shifting a bit wider for more leverage. A moment later, he was thrusting against the bulge he felt in Reita’s jeans, his own dick sliding against the silken material of his pants. It felt so good. The same sort of high drugs gave him rippled through his body, leaving him heady with desire and the pressing need for more than just this pathetic display of lust. He jerked his hips a few more times and then abruptly pulled back.

He took a few steps back and licked his lips. He lifted one hand and crooked a finger, turning and walking down the hallway. He paused to grab the wine glasses and then went straight to the bedroom. Slipping onto the bed, he downed his little bit of wine and held the other glass out for Reita.

The blonde accepted the glass, drinking the contents in much the same way Die had, putting both glasses aside and then pulling off his shirt. He tossed it on the floor, leaving Die to peruse the expanse of skin that had been revealed. Excitement rippled through him and he reached down into his pants, giving his dick a few quick tugs, the urgency of the whole thing eating away at his patience. It had, after all, been months since he’d been intimate with anyone.

Reita smirked at him, his eyes sparkling as he unfastened his belt and then pushed his pants down without bothering to open them at all. He stepped out of his clothing, coming to stand in front of Die, very much aroused.

The host stared up at him for a long few moments, letting the sight of the other burn into his memory. He didn’t plan on this being a one-time fuck, but he couldn’t know Reita’s intentions on the whole thing either.

He stood up, pushing his own pants down and then pulling Reita into his arms, their bodies fitting perfectly against one another. Die gasped as their arousals slid against one another, the feeling of it so very erotic. He’d always preferred the feeling of a nice hard dick against him than the feeling of a woman’s body. He turned them, gently pushing Reita down on the bed, seeing if he’d resist it. It was always the easiest way to tell without having to ask about where he was going to end up in all of this. When he just lay back, spreading his legs, Die knew his assumptions had all been right.

Wetting his lips, he leaned down and began to lightly kiss and lick over the other’s collarbone, letting out little sounds every few moments. His hips never stopped moving, working his cock alongside Reita’s, giving them both a good amount of friction. He drew it out as long as he could, his hands just exploring the other, his mouth following the path for the most part. By the time he ended up at the other’s belly, he was impatient, his cock letting him know where it wanted to be, and his body on edge for what he knew was coming. He slid his hand up under the pillow and retrieved all the items, pulling them down next to the other’s thigh.

He uncapped the lube, pouring some onto his fingers and sliding two fingers down between Reita’s legs, pushing them into his body. They slid in easily enough, leaving him feeling a bit relieved. At least he wasn’t going to have to spend forever trying to get to the point that Reita could take his cock. He dipped his head down, lightly kissing the other’s hip and then along the shaft of his cock, finally placing his lips on the head, flicking his tongue out to taste him. Retia cried out in the sweetest of ways, one hand sliding into his hair but not forcing him to do anything at all. He opened his mouth, letting the other’s cock slip in, slowly slicking him up as he thrust his fingers in and out of the other’s body.

He took his time for the sake of doing a good job with the other, his actions languid and almost relaxed, a huge contrast to the way he’d been thrusting against him a few minutes earlier. At long last, he pulled his fingers free, though he kept his mouth on the other, swirling his tongue and slowly bobbing his head. He pushed those same two fingers into his own body, groaning as pleasure shot through him at the action. His cock twitched a little as he thrust them quickly in and out of himself a few times. Still concentrating mostly on the blowjob, he quickly lubed up the toy and spread his legs a little more. He pushed the plug in with one solid movement, feeling it pop into place. He clenched around it, pleasure boiling inside him at the action. 

Finally, he sat back, slipping his mouth off Reita’s cock as he ripped open the condom and rolled it onto his dick. He provided himself with a little more lube and then moved forward. He lifted the other man a little bit, getting him into the right position and then leaned down over him, one hand guiding his cock as he pushed forward, sinking slowly into his body. “Oh god,” he whispered out, pushing his face against Reita’s neck. The feeling of being filled and filling the other at the same time was almost more than he could handle. His dick throbbed a few times and he was sure he was going to lose it all right there for a moment.

But he pulled his control back together, sliding one arm under the other’s back and holding onto him as he began to thrust. He set the pace slow, but deep, each of his trusts almost pulling his cock completely free of the other’s body and then plunging back in to the very hilt. Their lips met again, the kiss more desperate and less focused this time, both of them worked up to the point that it was clear neither would be lasting long for this portion of their union. Already he could feel Reita spasming lightly around him, those telling shocks that meant with a little more stimulation, Die would have him screaming in his arms.

He drew it out as long as he could and when his control snapped, he slid his hand between them, grasping the other’s cock and starting to stroke him at an almost frantic pace. He shifted so he was more hunched over the other, his hips pistoning in short, quick movements, their skin slapping loudly together, their cries mingling on the air. It was all over within a blinding moment, Die’s body tensing, a long, low moan feeing itself from his lips as he began to spurt into the condom between them. Reita came a moment later, his cry more of a gasp, his cock jerking in Die’s hand as he coated his own abdomen and Die’s fingers in his cum.

Die pushed in a few more times, milking the other completely dry before he pulled out and quickly disposed of the condom and his plug. He slid down on the bed next to Reita, reaching to push his hand through the mess on his stomach, a small smile on his lips. “I need you.”

Reita let out a small, breathless laugh. “You just had me.”

“No… I mean… I _need_ you in my life.” Die’s breath caught and held, everything revolving around this moment, this answer.

Reita reached up and turned Die’s face toward his own, looking him right in the eyes. “Then I’m yours.”

And in that moment, Die knew he could weather anything. No matter how hard life was going to be for him, it would be okay as long as he had this man to come home to at night. And for that, he was more thankful than he’d ever been in his life.

**The End**


End file.
